Tuesday, September 18th, 2007...9:37 pm
The Lost Art of Listening and GTD Workflow
Having dealt with a couple of situations at the office in the last day or two, and having had to address an issue with one of my own children at school, I have had the difference between hearing and listening fresh on my mind.
Unfortunately, it is becoming more difficult to communicate today. Part of the reason is that we are being pulled in so many directions that we do not take time to listen. Some of us also spend a significant part of out time formulating our answer or rebuttal instead of processing the information we are being given.
The difference between hearing and listening is very important. For example, if my wife is talking to me and I am more interested in the football game on the television, I will not register what she says. I will hear her. I may even nod in agreement. But comprehending what she is telling me will be quite difficult. However, if I listen to what my wife has to say, I can comprehend what she says, mentally process what it means to me, and respond appropriately.
In a way, processing information while listening is much like managing inputs through GTD workflow. If we are listening correctly, do we not ask the appropriate questions? What is it? Is it actionable? If it is…what is the next action (what am I being asked to do)? Then we make a decision as to what we need to do with that information.
That may be making a note and dropping into our physical inbox (defer it). It may meet the two minute rule, and you take action on it immediately (do it). The information may be for someone else to manage (delegate it), and you communicate the needed information to the responsible individual.
David Allen often refers to GTD as “advanced common sense”. If you think about it, David is on to something. When, as Stephen Covey calls it, “emphatically listening” our minds seem to naturally go through a GTD type process as we process verbal communication…or at least my mind does.
Feel free to voice your thoughts on this in the comments.
4 Comments
September 19th, 2007 at 8:05 am
Great post, Jason. I agree: really listening these days is challenging - Blackberries and being overloaded contribute, as does the general CrazyBusy lives we lead. For me, eye contact and active listening (http://www.studygs.net/listening.htm) help a lot. For phone calls and meetings, taking notes too.
But at the higher level, having a clear mind (ala GTD) is crucial. How can we pay attention when our minds are running with other issues?
I hear you; Cheers!
October 3rd, 2007 at 7:33 pm
Great post! My biz partner and I have stopped grabbing our cell phones when we are with customers and each other so we can truly “listen”. It surprised both of us how much time we spend in useless babble when we can’t be reached.
In the quiet time you truly can listen:-))
Thanks for sharing…Di
December 19th, 2007 at 9:37 pm
Hmmm. If I understand you correctly, you are trying to apply GTD to listening to others. While I think that GTD-style processing can take its proper role in communication, I think it is an oversimplification to say that it applies to all examples of good listening. Perhaps I misunderstand you, but I’ll go off of the assumption that I don’t. Please forgive me if I get this wrong.
As a man, I love to try to make a two-way communication into a GTD session. I love to process the info and pick out only the relevant parts that are actionable and then start to fix things. The problem with that approach is that my wife doesn’t really appreciate it. I assume other people dislike it as well.
Most people, including men, just want someone to listen sometimes. They don’t want me to fix anything or suggest anything or start up a new project or create a new task list that will save the day. In fact, I rob people of the opportunity to solve problems for themselves if I treat their communication as a catalyst for getting something done.
Sometimes the best thing to do is to just listen empathetically. I find that it is much better to ask the person what they think they should do about the situation. That builds them up emotionally. It helps them feel like someone trusts them to solve a problem, and that helps them to trust themselves to solve it. When they actually do solve the problem, *they* are the ones that get to grow, and they improve their capabilities to solve future problems that way.
Whether at work or home, I think that empathic listening has more to do with putting yourself in someone else’s moccasins to walk a few miles than it has to do with “processing.”
Just my two cents worth. Hopefully I wasn’t too far off base as to what you meant.
April 10th, 2008 at 5:42 am
I just wanted to comment on your post of listening
and processing that information so I can learn to filter out the problem and focus on what my wife is saying to me. I recently read the book “For Men
Only” by Shaunti Feldhahn and her Husband Jeff
and there is an entire section on Listening. It’s hard for a guy to focus on listening when naturally we just want to fix the problem when that is just the opposite what our wife’s want. They just want us to listen to their feelings, I have had to learn this the hard way. Everything you said in your blog made perfect sense to me now if I can just retain and apply this aquired knowledge my life will be so much better. Thanks
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